And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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