I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
