So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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