just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
