I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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