fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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