im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
