the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
