Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
