would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
