Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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