just tell him i said nine months
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
