It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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