the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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