Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
