Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
