She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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