Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
