There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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