Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
