The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
