Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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