Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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