Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
