he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
