I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think people are normalizing furries
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
