i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My penis needs a shock collar
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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