you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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