So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
