but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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