I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize