I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
