Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
