In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
