I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
