Apparently you make a good broom.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
