the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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