My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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