He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
