I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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