Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
