I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
