after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
