i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
