she was so not down for the gang bang
kristin has been a bad kristin
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
