we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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