Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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