I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
