So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
