Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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