True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
