It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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