what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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