Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
