Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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