my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
