Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
