I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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