i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
