are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
