Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
