Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
