i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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