im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize