The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
