I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize