Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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