piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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