were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
