You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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