i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
