Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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