Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
