I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
