i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
