This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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