you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
