please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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