What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize