he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
