We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
