After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
