But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize