lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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