a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
