woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
