that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
