yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
