Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
