New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
