Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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