like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
