If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
