Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
