If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
