I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
