Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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