she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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